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Triangle Smart Divorce
Divorce can be tough, but taking smart steps like getting informed, gathering important documents, and keeping communication respectful helps make this process smoother. Avoiding mistakes like hiding assets or pulling children into the mix, also makes a big difference. You want a smoother process with little regrets as you move toward your next chapter.
Divorce can feel overwhelming, leaving you unsure about which steps to take and anxious about whether you are making the “right” decisions for your future or making mistakes that will come back to bite you. It’s normal to feel some level of apprehension, but letting fear and uncertainty take over could put your chances at a good outcome in jeopardy. That’s why we’ve put together this guide to the key “do’s” and “don’ts” to keep in mind as you move through the divorce process.
If you’re new to divorce in North Carolina and not sure of what needs to be resolved, one of the smartest ways you can prepare is by researching your options and getting informed. You likely aren’t familiar with things like how marital property is divided, custodial schedules, or child support guidelines, but these are key things you’ll want to understand as your divorce moves forward. While your attorney will guide you through it all, it’s a good idea to arm yourself with this information before meeting with them.
In today’s digital world, it is nearly impossible to get away with hiding assets. The truth will likely come out, and when it does, it can seriously damage your credibility in Court. A judge will likely see it as an attempt to undermine the process and might decide you’re not being upfront, which won’t help you achieve what you want or get the results you’re looking for. And being dishonest about assets often means the Court will think you are being dishonest in your other testimony, which is NEVER a good thing.
One of the key first steps in divorce is getting organized, and a big part of this is collecting your legal and financial documents. These documents give your attorney a clearer picture of your finances, which helps them guide you on the best path forward and puts you in a prime position to accomplish your specific goals. The more details you can arm your attorney with (or even a financial advisor if you’re working with one), the better they can help you move forward. Some important documents include:
It might be tempting to make a quick decision about your finances just to wrap things up faster, but that could leave you exposed to financial risks in the long-term. If you aren’t sure you’re making the right choice, it’s smart to consult with your attorney and a financial professional who can help you understand the potential consequences of this decision.
Mediation is the best way to go through the divorce process if you want to have a say in all the important decisions that need to be made. In mediation, both you and your soon-to-be-ex can share your opinions and concerns while working together toward an agreement that works for both of you. In general, mediation tends to be less combative and more cost-effective than going to Court.
Without mediation, a judge, who doesn’t know you, your family, or your unique needs, will make those decisions for you. Plus, when individuals help shape their divorce agreement, they are much more likely to stick to it, meaning fewer issues down the road.
Sure, it might feel good in the moment to “get back” at your ex or do something that irks them, but in the end, those actions often come back to haunt you. Stirring up conflict only leads to more frustration, more headaches, and more legal bills! Save yourself the trouble and try to take the high road whenever you can..
Divorce is stressful, no doubt about it. If you have kids, your first instinct may be to put all your energy into making sure they are okay during the transition. But it’s important to remember to care for yourself first – if you aren’t in a good place, you won’t be able to fully support your kids’ and their needs. Self-care can’t take the backseat, especially now. Maintaining your physical and emotional well-being will help you handle the challenges that divorce can throw your way. There’s a reason we are always advised to put on our oxygen mask first before helping others with theirs.
It’s easy to make snap decisions in the heat of the moment, but those choices often don’t serve you well in the long run. Before acting on your emotions, take a pause and a deep breath, and think about how this decision might impact your future.
As your divorce moves forward, emotional support will be vital. Many times, simply leaning on a close friend or family member can be helpful – however, be mindful of who you confide in. A mental health professional, like a licensed therapist or counselor, is often the best option, as they can stay neutral and offer objective guidance for your situation. And typically, your conversations with them are protected and privileged, meaning they have to be compelled to testify in Court. This isn’t true about your friends and family members.
While it’s easier said than done, staying calm and respectful during your divorce can make a huge difference between an expensive, drawn-out battle and a smoother process that leaves you feeling confident in the future. The more you and your spouse are able to work together to reach an agreement, the less you’ll need to involve lawyers, which will also help you save money. If you have kids, keeping things as peaceful as possible is even more important. After all, your marriage may be ending, but your co-parenting journey is only just beginning. It’s best for everyone if that relationship can be built on a solid foundation of mutual respect.
Divorce is tough enough on kids without you adding your emotional baggage to the mix. Your kids shouldn’t be your messenger, pawn, best friend, or emotional crutch during your divorce. They should be kept out of the adult conflict as much as possible. Allow them to be children.
Your kids’ world is changing, and the best thing you can do for them is to promote stability and keep conflict to a minimum. One of the most effective ways to do this is by taking care of yourself first. When you prioritize your well-being, you’ll be able to be a parent who is better able to support your kids and meet their needs.
The best option during your divorce is to stay off social media altogether, but if that simply isn’t realistic for you, you must be extremely careful about what you post. Social media posts are admissible in court and could be used against you. You should not post anything referencing your divorce, your ex, or your ex’s family on social media, no matter how foolproof you think your privacy settings are!
Posts like these often only escalate tension and complicate legal proceedings. Even posts that have nothing to do with your divorce can be taken out of context, putting you in a compromising position or painting you in a negative light. To protect yourself, it’s smart to minimize social media activity as much as possible, or better yet, take a break from it entirely while your divorce is pending.
While you likely understand the important role an attorney plays in divorce, it’s critical to choose one with specific experience in family law. There are a lot of nuances to family law in North Carolina that an attorney from another practice area might not fully grasp.
Even if they know what the law says, they may not be familiar with how it’s applied in different counties or by various judges. To get advice that’s truly tailored to your situation, it’s best to work with someone with plenty of practical experience helping people successfully navigate divorce in your area. This also applies to other types of professionals, like financial advisors and counselors.
Just because you are getting divorced does not mean your ex’s name is automatically wiped from all of your legal documents. This includes your will, trust, power of attorney, medical directive, beneficiary designations, and more. You need to manually update all of your documents as soon as you are able, or else your ex might continue to have legal and financial power over certain aspects of your life, including deciding whether to resuscitate you or not.
We’re here to guide you, not complicate things. It’s normal to have questions and concerns, and even to challenge us at times, but at the end of the day, our goal is always to eliminate unnecessary drama and help you move forward in the best possible way. That only works if you listen to what we have to say and trust our advice. Ignoring it could cause consequences and create damages that are hard to undo.
With decades of combined experience, we know divorce in North Carolina inside and out. Trust us to get you to where you want to be! Call our firm today at (919) 642-1876 to request a consultation and learn more about how we can serve you.
You don’t have to have everything figured out to reach out. Let’s start with a conversation.
(919) 642-1876
(919) 642-1876